#probably forever

[fairyboygenius]

nurse she’s thinking about orpheus and eurydice and the twisted magic of a love being doomed by the narrative again

[deadhoneybee]

I will never shut up about Remus Lupin. Ever.

I think ill be 80 years old in a care home mumbling about how he deserved nothing less then a life chalked full of love he was never destined to have.

[meiloorunsmoothie]

someone tell me why "what you mean to me" from finding neverland has been stuck in my head on loop for hours

oh, and it's the jeremy jordan version, in case that wasn't obvious.

[heresiae]

If I have to see another American video that portrays Italy as the country of the "Dolce far niente", I'm going to start a petition to ban US people to ever enter our country till they stop being idiots and act as their shit doesn't smell.

[beezpajamas]

Control vs. Letting Go in TFOTA

.

It is getting a little late but I finally have somewhat been able to articulate my thoughts on how Cardan ties into the anxiety Jude faces for most of the series.

Reminder that these are my opinions and how I interpreted the book and these characters. If you have anything to add or disagree with, do so respectfully

Control

Anxiety can stem from the feeling of being out of control, particularly about the future or things that haven’t happened yet. Given the circumstances of Jude’s life, it’s no surprise she has a lot of anxiety. She lives in a land of people who despise her and actively belittle, humiliate or flat out hurt her. Even though she was raised by the gentry, she would always be seen as less. 

When she begins to fight back, she gets some control over her life but also loses some. Her life before had been... predictable doesn’t seem to be the right word, but she knew what to expect. She doesn’t exactly know what to expect now that she has made herself a bigger target.

I believe Cardan ties into this in two ways. The first being becoming High King. The second being Jude’s romantic feelings for him. 

When Cardan becomes High King, Jude has him under her control. She has more power than she ever thought she would, and it soothes her. I’ve personally found that when your anxiety gets bad, you grasp onto anything that gives you that control back. It helps keep you grounded. Anyway, Jude would have done anything to keep her control on him and she did. She killed and lied and kept secrets. She schemed and fought tooth and nail for her position, and she did this by herself. Which brings me to my next point. 

Jude felt she couldn’t trust anyone for a lot of the books. She couldn’t trust Taryn who kept betraying her. Vivi was always off in the mortal world, and Jude didn’t really have any friends. You know who she did have? Cardan. Though she tried her best to hate him, he was a constant in her life. Jude couldn’t rely on a lot, but she could rely on how Cardan felt about her. When he was angry with her or snarky, it was familiar. In a way, it kept her grounded. So much was changing or moving without her but at least she could keep track of how she thought Cardan felt about her. More importantly, how she thought she felt about him. 

She relied on his hatred, but she also relied on her own hatred. As I’ve said before, so many things were changing that she couldn’t predict. The one thing she could always predict was the little dance her and Cardan did around each other. But feelings are often out of our control, and Jude has to learn this. The more she feels for Cardan, the more she shoves it down because if she can’t rely on her own hatred, what can she rely on? If their relationship changes, how can she know what to predict? It was completely unknown territory. 

Letting Go

For the majority of The Queen of Nothing, we see Jude give into her feelings more. She does not have the same guard up that she did in The Wicked King. She confesses to Cardan that the exile hurt her and they also sleep together. But I believe she is still holding onto her power for comfort. 

The tipping point of this is when Cardan is turned into a serpent. This time, Jude is offered more power than she has ever had. She could be a feared queen with a serpent by her side and Madoc and Lord Jarel tied to her bidding. A mortal turned into the most terrifying faerie high queen. She could have all the control she wants, and she would never have to feel fear again.

But as I’ve said, Cardan has been a constant in her life. He is always there, ready with a quip or an eye roll or staring at her intensely. Jude thinks of what he would do if their roles were reversed. She sleeps in his bed. Those few days without him and she comes to the conclusion she does not want to do it without him. She wants him by her side.

Because she loves him and wants him to be free, this is where she lets go of her control. 

“But I don’t want to win like this. Perhaps I will never live without fear, perhaps power will slip from my grasp, perhaps the pain of losing him will hurt more than I can bear.

And yet, if I love him, there’s only one choice.” (p. 278, The Queen of Nothing)

She makes the conscious choice to chop off his head fully knowing she could end up worse for it or right back where she started but she makes that choice because she cannot bear Cardan being stuck as a serpent. She loves him, and that alone helped her to make the choice between always having control and being fearful of losing it or doing things in the moment and dealing with the consequences after. Sometimes all you need is a big jump to realize you do not need to anticipate everything that’s going to happen. And she did not know what was going to happen when she cut his head off. 

So yes, Cardan has always been tied into Jude’s anxiety. He gave her power, and his supposed hatred or their quarreling was a constant in her life when everything was becoming increasingly unpredictable. It wasn’t until she lobbed his serpent head off that she finally let herself be free from the unpredictability of the future.

[laverrez]

it's a bit tickling that i havent even been on tumblr long enough to cultivate the perfect feed, but im already getting anti-rwby and anti-roosterteeth posts recommended to me. i almost feel at home.

[enter-drfrog]

Okay I finally watched Groan Ups and I absolutely loved it because Mischief never misses. But I desperately want the script to be released so I can read it. But I also desperately want to be able to put this show on. I think it would be so good for my college’s theatre program

[sierradee]

I've decided to stop hunting for the style that feels "right" for my art and instead to redefine my personal art goals into the arbitrary binary of good vrs prolific.

I have realised I get more joy out of being prolific.

[alvadee]

fantasizing about the tapes Vic's brother has stored away somewhere on which you can hear Vic rehearse Shakespeare and if they'll ever see the light of day 😔

[beginnerblueglass]

How long do I have to sit here before twenty one pilots releases the livestream experience on dvd??

[liquidstar]

If my mom sees a significant amount of blood she gets lightheaded, and has fainted on some occasions. Once it happened when we were kids, I wasn't there to witness it but I heard the story from my dad. Basically my brothers, around 7 or 8 at the time, were playing outside while my mom was making their lunch, and she accidentally cut her finger. It wasn't anything serious, but it drew a fair bit of blood and she passed out. My dad saw this and rushed over, but he didn't really know what to do so he just sort of started slapping her to wake her up (not recommended, but he had no idea and panicked)

At that exact moment my brothers both came in from playing, and all they saw was our mom unconscious on the floor and our dad slapping her. So, like, without even saying a word to each other they both just INSTANTLY start whaling on him, like, full blown attack mode to defend our mom. Which obviously didn't help the situation, but she did wake up and everything was fine.

Now our dad says that he's actually really glad they attacked him over what they thought was going on, because it means he raised good boys. And I still think that's true, they're very good boys.

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF Gregory is NEVER getting unbanned at this rate

[luxmoogle]

. ݁ ˖ ✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅𝒲𝒶𝓉𝒸𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓅 𝓃𝑜𝓌… ⟡ ݁₊ .. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

[inkskinned]

in internet posts it is easy to cut them out of your life. they are hurting you! they aren't listening to you!

they held your hair back. they lent you lipstick. they held your hand at the train station and got you home safe. they rounded on your bully, got loud, said get fucked, spitting-mad in your defense.

they also cut the hair off again. told you that you should really think twice before wearing something like that. took you for granted. took your insecurities and threw them in your face again.

you know logically it should be easy. all the internet advice comments always read it will feel better. like an equation - if a person is rotten, you just remove them. you pull the tooth that's hurting.

but it was never a big flare-up moment. you don't live in a sitcom. they never tried to take your boyfriend or steal from your apartment. they showed up to birthdays and they wrote songs about you and bring you water without you asking. once you found out they carry an emergency inhaler for you, even though you haven't had an asthma attack in years - just in case.

where is the line? people fuck up. sometimes they fuck up badly. sometimes people have raw personalities, like a powerline, and being around them is dangerous. addicting. sometimes they can't help themselves, but you know they're trying. sometimes they are just rough-around-the-edges. sometimes they don't even realize how they sounded when they said that. sometimes it's just - you've both loved each other for so long now, the way this thing hurts goes back to the root.

and that's the fucked up part. you have pushed your fingers against the sweetheart of memory. things these days are electric, tense, harrowing. they didn't used to be. there were a lot of good days in there. sometimes you want to just close your eyes and say can this be over yet? do we still need to be fighting?

doing that would give up any chance you get of getting an apology, but you don't always know that you need an apology, you love them. once they flaked on your birthday party. once they told you to get over it, people are always dying. they also let you crash on their couch for a week after the breakup, handfeeding you when you were so sad you couldn't eat. they are also judgmental about everything, occasionally react to banal statements with an attitude that is weird and fiery. they also love you like a lighthouse sometimes, so strong they cut the storm like lightning.

but the problem is that you might be storm. you might be the thing that needs breaking. what if you are two forces who are desperately, horribly drawn to each other, shaped by the other person's passions, and both good for each other and bad in equal measure.

what if you're both just people, and you're no saint neither.

just cut them off! swallowing the saltwater, you catch yourself in the mirror. you've been shaking more than usual. there's an ache in you that is oblique, loud, impossible to soothe. is this what it looks like? when life is "easier"?

your mouth will always have a hole, is the thing, if you remove the tooth.

[bigfatbreak]

I honestly can't wait to see Adrien's reaction to the whole engagement thing. I wonder whether he will get jealous and just. Not completely, if at all, understand where it comes from. He just wants to hang out with his dear friend Marinette it's not like her engagement changes anything, right? And meanwhile his fae hindbrain is seething.

P.S. your posts made me want to go read lukanette fics after not engaging with the fandom (besides your comics) at all for *checks watch uh clock uh calendar* 4 years. Thank you<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

honestly before the jealousy even forms, the abandonment trauma hits like a freight train and he almost falls apart